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Find Out How to Kill Yourself With Caffeine


I have to admit, some mornings when I can’t wake up, I just go ahead and monster dose myself with some form of liquid caffeine. It usually makes me feel better for maybe say, 20 minutes. Then my stomach gets tight and my hands get cold and I’m tired all over again. I rarely learn my lesson.

The big misconception about caffeine is that it’s a good antidote to drowsiness and can effectively stave off sleep. The fact is, the stimulating effects of caffeine wear out pretty quickly. If you’re brain tells your body it needs sleep, it will get there one way or another. This isn’t so much of a hazard for me, since I drive a desk. When you’re behind the wheel for a living, staving off drowsiness is absolutely life-threatening.  While it’s true that truck-related traffic injuries and deaths are hovering at the lowest levels since around 1950, fatigue and falling asleep at the wheel continue to be some of the biggest threats to OTR truckers today.

So essentially what I’m saying is, There’s no substitute for sleep. Avoiding sleep and substituting caffeine will kill you.

While thinking about this, I wondered if there was a dose of caffeine that could actually kill a full-grown human. And of course, in the age of the internet, any wacked out idea that comes to you probably already has a site designed to let you explore it further. Killing myself with caffeine didn’t disappoint.

The Death By Caffeine app over at www.energyfiend.comis a fun little diversion where you can pick your brand of energy drink, soda or coffee and enter your weight. A quick calculation later and it tells you how many bottles of your brand you have to drink to die of heart and respiratory failure.

I’m 6′ 1 and weigh an even 200 lbs. Here’s what I came up with for my brands:

  • 5 Hour Energy: 99 tiny bottles of this all natural energy drink will drain the blood from my brain.
  • Sobe Green Tea: A massive 390 bottles of this ancient healing brew will put me 6 feet under.
  • Diet Pepsi: After the carbonation dissolves my teeth completely, can #379 will stop my heart.
  • Plain Brewed Coffee: It would take 126 cups of steaming java to kill me. I’m almost certain the local Petro has a plastic travel cup that holds that much.

How much of your favorite brand is needed to put out your lights? CDL Life wants to know!


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