Reddit Asks Police Officers For Funny Stories

We stumbled onto a little pile of gold last Thursday on reddit. The thread started with an excellent question, ‘Police of reddit, what is the funniest thing someone you are arresting has said?’ We’ve selected a few of the best stories just for you, but you’ll have to check out the thread for yourself to read all the hilarious mishaps. – Or better yet, to add a story of your own!

Here is a list of our favorites:

InfamousBrad

• When the cops arrested the guy who mugged a friend of mine, he said, “Officer, you got the wrong guy. I don’t rob people, I sell drugs.”

That_Tall_Dude

• Had a guy refuse to do a field sobriety test because he said he had a medical condition that prevented him from doing it properly. When asked what the condition was he said “I wont be able to do it properly because I’m way too drunk”. Made my paperwork easy.

NoNeedForADay

• Yeah, DUIs tend to talk way too much. The most common problem is that when asked if they’ve been drinking, they are always half honest and say, “Just a few.” Yeah, like that’s not gonna get you a field sobriety test.
• But the best client I had was a guy who, when asked how much he’d had to drink, said, “Too much!”

Matriss

• My stepdad was pulled over by the cops once when my brother and I were in the car (I was five, he was two). My brother wasn’t in a car seat for some reason and of course the first thing the officer says when he sees this is, “How old is your son?”
• “He’s four,” says my stepdad, four being the legal age to not be in a car seat in that state.
• “No he’s not, he’s two-and-a-half!” I really prided myself on being helpful and specific when answering questions.

AnotherGuyInOhio

• Prosecutor here. I currently have a case where the police officer approached a suspicious car, opened the door, and said, “What are you doing?” The Defendant responded “Drugs!”

Pecadillo_

• Cop here. I arrested a guy for DUI last year. He blew somewhere in the mid .20’s so he wasn’t even close to legal. He pissed his pants in the backseat of the black & white on the way to the station – he wasn’t scared or anything; just really drunk. So when we get to the station I get him out of the back seat and notice his pants are soaked. I said something like, “Oh man, did you piss yourself in the car? Why didn’t you tell me you needed to go?” He said very sincerely, “It’s ok, I kept it all in my pants, brother.”
• Maybe you had to be there but I thought his drunk logic was great. My partner and I quote him all the time.

RichardSonOfRichard

• A close family friend is a homicide detective and he told me a story once about an arrest he made back in the 90’s. He responded to a call about an armed robbery and shooting at a convenience store, and when he got there the witnesses told him that the shooter had just ran into some nearby woods. At this point it was well after 11pm and nearly completely dark outside, but he proceeded into the woods to find the shooter. He couldn’t see well through the dark, but soon he noticed some strange red blinking lights moving sporadically close to the forest floor. So, he followed the lights and found the shooter hiding in some brush. Dude was wearing those light-up shoes that blink every time you take a step. Gotta love the 90’s.

Scapeity

• Pulled over a guy in a supercar.. to this day I’m not sure what it was but it was some type of Ferrari.
• As I got up to it… it had a bumper sticker that said “my other ride is your mom”
• Guy was 70… wearing a viking helmet and asked for a ticket to put it on his wall next to his others.
• I couldn’t stop laughing and just walked away.

streamsidee

• My older brother was pulled over for speeding. Went through the usual license, insurance, registration deal. My brother sneaks in an extra card along with all his official documents. The cop starts to walk away gets half way back to his card and starts laughing uncontrollably. Walks back to my brother cars and hands him everything back along with his monopoly get out of jail free card. Cop let him totally off the hook. EDIT : Spelling

pjhpmc

• Got caught on the outskirts of town by a police officer, was probably doing around 90 in a 55. Didn’t try to run, just pulled over as soon as he pulled on to the highway with his lights on. No sense in even trying to talk my way out of it, I knew this was a ticket or worse.
• So I decided to have a little fun. I remembered a joke from college and me, being the smartass 20ish year old I was, just went with it.
• I rolled my window down in advance, and had my paperwork ready. As soon as he leaned down I offered my stack of papers and in my best voice said, “I SWEAR SHE LOOKED EIGHTEEN OFFICER!!!”
• Time just froze for a moment. The officer, his eyes behind his silvery dark brown shades just stared at me while I held out my documents and put on my best shit-eating grin. It seemed like forever before he quietly took the stack of papers from my hand and, without a word, turned and started walking back to his car.
• I shook my head in total disgust trying to figure out exactly what had motivated me to pull that stunt when I happened to glance in my side mirror: The cop was visibly laughing his ass off, his hand stifling the noises that were coming out of his mouth. I took a big breath and relaxed. Maybe I was going to live through this after all.
• After what seemed like an eternity (I had a clean record back then), the officer approached the side of the car, handed my documentation back to me, then said, “Son, slow the f*** down.”
• “Yes sir. I will sir.”
• I drove off and kept it right at the speed limit for the rest of the trip.